Aap Ka Suroor, review in Mumbai Mirror

No way!
Mayank Shekhar in Mumbai Mirror

It's been over two years since you've held this newspaper, the film reviews on this page, and a little metre that appears below it every weekend. Most reviews, I suspect, are cursorily glanced for their "star-ratings"; few actually bother with humble efforts beneath those linear constellations.

Yet, I am willing to bet my bottom buck you haven't quite paid attention to what those "stars" against film-titles on these pages literally stand for. Look over it now. Five stars on the indicator suggests a movie that could leave you speechless, at least it did the reviewer. By every measure of success, this one deserves those rarest of the rare ratings, never deflowered since its inception. Truly, I am speechless.

Some have waited this notable moment of world cinema for a while. Most have seen the excitable promos of Bombay auto-rickshaws chasing fast cars in Europe. You pretty much know what to expect. So did I. My two-word report on this monument would still read: No way!

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I just watched the curio, and I am still not certain if I actually watched it. Already, it seems a blurry figment of my own nightmare. When I recover, I may tell you better and more.

But if this is a true story as claimed in the posters, then Himesh bhai, our country singer, is actually the globe's greatest, yet "humble", rock star. He flies a private jet; drives the centre of a huge limo convoy. Goris of Germany just can't get enough of him; neither can Mallika Sherawat. Most women get so intimidated by his status, they don't even entertain a warm thought of him as a harmless dream.

If the story is true again, Himesh bhai is jailed for murdering a reporter, who attempted a television sting-op on him. Of course, that's a carefully cultivated conspiracy.

But never mind that. Never mind his supposed love story. Never mind the precious reason behind his sulk (he lost his laugh on his brother's death). Never mind your mind.

The true, terrible conspiracy in this movie is actually directed against Himesh Reshammiya, the actor. When he is on screen, you'll look at nothing else. Hear his spoken voice that's deliberately dubbed to sound a vague cross between a cow's moo and a horse's nay. Listen to him sing the Gayatri Mantra and the track 'Darde Dil Darde Jigar' solo over a guitar (please do it for me). Watch him awkwardly gesture and aimlessly gaze throughout in a jacket, a baseball cap and half a fool's cap page for a dialogue sheet. Check him out when he smiles once. Ogle at him match Mithun's steps. You'll be convinced the makers of this movie don't like this gentle soul too much. In the annals of pop-cultural history, this will go down as the lamest joke played on one man for this long.

I am told the filmmakers have even considered a sequel to this punishment, were it to pack theatres. Amen! But really, not fair. Last I read, making bad music wasn't a crime.
Courtesy:Mumbai Mirror
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